I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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