Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
