So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
