I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
