You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Come on in and take your pants off
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