so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
