Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
