I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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