The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
