My cat gives me a boner
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
