i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
