I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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