He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
