Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
