You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
