You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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