I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Text me some of your sweat
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
