well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
