I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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