Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
