I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
