it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am naked and annoyed.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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