I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize