does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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