first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
In America we eat man semen.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
