I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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