glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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