he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
