I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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