Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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