I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
