Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
