8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just cropdusted the office
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
