Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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