i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
