You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
