he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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