Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You were trust falling into bushes
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
