So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
