I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
