what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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