When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
