false alarm. still invincible.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
