I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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