You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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