2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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