Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
