I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
