I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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