So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
