I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
