seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
