I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
