Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
