my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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