Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
