I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
