I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
