I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
