I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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