Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
