I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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