I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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