Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
