I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
