btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
