Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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